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sharing the journey of our souls

Sage News
October 2, 2014

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. (John F. Kennedy)
SoulFriends is a portal for information, services and products on human potential, social fulfillment and spiritual actualization.
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Get Out of the Prison
In Your Mind

Magdalen Bowyer, MA

Find something sacred in your life. Let it be anything but your mind. Because we cannot fix the mind at the level of mind. And I'm talking about what many refer to as the mind in our heads.

Don't doubt for a moment that there's something amiss in there. We live in cultures of distorted patterns of thinking and faulty beliefs. It's a mess, to be sure. But that's only one level of consciousness. And you have the power to lift yourself out of the mess in your mind.

It'll take some will and strength of spirit. It'll demand you change the way you look at things. When you get so sick of yourself fighting yourself in the prison of your own mind, a part of you will let go, and like an untethered balloon, another part of you will rise to discover a different way to be in your life.

Lift yourself. That's all you need to do. And by lifting yourself to a new level of consciousness, you'll become a force for good in our world. You'll no longer be adding to the confusion and violence and negativity that so many live in. Your ticket out is to lift yourself. And by lifting yourself, you help others. Because you'll draw into your life a new level of living influence and make a path for others to follow.

So, find something sacred that gets you out of your head. Something that pulls your heart strings. Something that gets you into the rest of your body. Something that makes you feel good to be alive. It can be a practice, a project, a purposeful something that draws your attention and keeps you focused. Just one thing. Committing to just one sacred thing has the power to re-route all the psychic energy that is keeping you imprisoned in your mind.

Remember, we are vibration. Your emotion will always tell you where you are vibrating. It's the reliable barometer built into us. Settle your negative emotion. It's what keeps you locked into a stagnant state of consciousness. Release it in a way that doesn’t hurt others. Feel into it by turning toward it and inviting it to speak to you. It’ll tell you something you need to know or it will leave you altogether. Part of the fight in your mind is the resistance to feeling the emotion. If you stay in your mind, then you don't have to face and feel the intensity that is actually in the rest of your body.

It's unnerving to discover that all the unrest and the tension and the stress is actually living in you.
It's empowering to realize if it's all you, then you have what it takes to make change.

May not be easy.
May not be without pain.

But it will up-level your life experience and bring you closer to home within yourself.
And that's all you ever need to be ... yourself.

The mind creates the abyss,
and the heart crosses it.

( Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj)

E-motion carries us from one state of consciousness to another. The more aware we are of our inner experience, the more attuned we are to our inner being, the more deliberately we script our life story.

Fighting Fair
Joan Jerkovich, BCC, RN

We are all flawed. We are different from each other. We carry with us different attitudes and beliefs. With this in mind, it’s no wonder there will be times when we clash with each other.

Fights will ensue. Feelings will be hurt. Yet, our differences don’t need to pull us apart if we can learn to fight fair.

The most critical step toward fighting fair is to plan your fight for a time when both of you are in the right mindset. Step back from the moment that sparked the fires of anger. That is not the time to try and resolve your differences. Tempers and tensions are too hot. You both need to cool down and wait for a time when you are calmer. Usually, this takes a few days, so be patient with each other. Even if you’re in avoidance mode until things cool down, get back to talking through the issue that got you both riled up as soon as possible.

Once both parties have cooled down, set the stage for calm conversation by choosing a neutral place to discuss your hot button topic. Couples need to keep these conversations out of the bedroom. Steer clear of the office where one of you sits in the big chair behind the big desk, and the other in the uncomfortable side chair. Find a place where neither one of you carries more power into the room. Keep the setting neutral.

Go in to discuss your differences with a mindset poised for empathy and understanding. Keep in mind that you’re here to fight fair, not drive your point home, or make them change their mind. You’re here to listen with an open heart and to be flexible to your mutual differences.

Keep your conversation open and honest. Be authentic. Be real. Be brave enough to share your true feelings, even if it opens you up to vulnerability.

Put on your listening cap before you enter the space for fighting fair. Listen with your heart. Try to hear beyond the spoken words for the intent. If you get the feeling that both parties are interested in resolving this fight, hold tight to that thought, even if the words that are spoken don’t convey that intent in the best way possible.

If anger comes up, realize that it probably comes from a place of pain. If one of you dips in to anger, you can choose to not respond in kind. You can choose to remain calm and just listen. Yes, remaining calm is an option that is open to you.

Grit your teeth and bite your lip to keep from bringing up old hurts. Stick to the issue at hand. Also, shame on you if you fight dirty by pulling out the score card or going for the jugular, that comment that you know will hurt.

Be prepared to agree to disagree and call a truce. This is not a battle where one of you has to win. In fact, if you can’t calmly come to some resolution, neither of you is a winner. You are both losing out on a relationship you once cherished.

If the rules you set for fighting fair don’t keep the peace pipe flowing, set aside your pride and get professional help. Too many relationships have been lost forever over the need to be right, while making the other person wrong.

Catch the Joan Jerkovich Show, Saturday mornings on News Radio 1150 KSAL!

Persist or Pivot?
Joy Bonham, MA

A common coaching question is ... 'persist or pivot?' I ask this question of myself and SoulFriends regularly. It has helped us to either stay the course, or transform, when decision points arise.

What has become apparent to me recently is that ... it is time to pivot with our monthly newsletter, Sage News. Starting next month, we will be posting our newsletter online only. Going forward, we will be sending an email "notification" only, once a month only, letting our readers know that the online version of our newsletter is now available for viewing. Today's edition will be our last directly emailed newsletter.

We are pivoting for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, is rapidly changing technology. Mobile has taken over all other forms for online communication, with tablets in second place. The vast majority of people now process their email on their mobile phones. We believe a notification system works better for a mobile community.

Another important reason for the shift is that our primary communication method, the one most of us still rely on, email, has been severely corrupted. If you have been listening to the news lately, Russian hackers have amassed billions of email addresses. And if your inbox is anything like mine, the sheer volume of unwanted mail is overwhelming. I certainly take pity on our poor internet service providers (ISPs) who, for the most part, are shoveling garbage.

In order to address this problem, the Can-Spam Act was passed. Believe me when I say, I am all for canning spam; unfortunately, each email provider seems to be interpreting the Can-Spam Act in their own way. Some ISP's now have very restrictive policies for any type of bulk mail, which includes newsletters. All of which have had a negative impact on our ability to deliver our monthly newsletter. We have had to request "white-listing" at some ISPs in order to deliver our newsletter to our subscribers.

Currently, all of our AOL subscribers have been blocked from receiving this newsletter. AOL refused to give SoulFriends white-listing because we have more than one domain linked to our ip address (,, etc.), a common business practice.  In order to continue to serve AOL subscribers, we will be required to move our mail system to a single-domain/single-ip website.

It seems the restrictions and conditions for email delivery continue to grow and with a small staff, we find them extremely challenging to overcome. Luckily, new pathways open up, sometimes it's innovation, sometimes it's people taking action. New technologies continue to arrive on the scene each year, which makes communicating, and being in community, easier.

We are experiencing the birthing pains of the information age my friends, both its light and shadow. I have no doubt the ride will continue to be bumpy, and yet ...incredibly amazing.

Namaste, Joy


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